This is the exact reason why I wanted this job.
“You’re sitting at your computer working on something really important. And then you think, ‘Man, I wonder if Home Alone 2 made more money than Home Alone 1.’ I have to watch this. NOW!”
These one-liners tickle me.
“Before, I worked in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
Kyle… You’re going to have to rethink your proposal.
“If they called student loans small business loans, no 18-year-old would ever get the loan. It’s a bad idea for a business. If you were to go to the bank, to the small business office, and say, “I’m going to need $150,000. They would be, like, “What’s your business idea?” “Here’s the idea: for the next four years, I’m going to get drunk. But also… “I’m going to get a degree in sociology.”
They’d be, like, “Fuck our bank.” You’re, like, “I will, but I had a way to pay you back.” I was gonna give you $80 a month for the next 240 years.
They weren’t really on the same page.
“I just broke up with someone…well, it wasn’t really a breakup. It was a loot call that I might have taken too seriously.
They thought they got away with gold.
“I got mugged. And they had my backpack with my comedy book in it. So if anyone sees two guys bombing the Funny Bone channel, it would be them. Just give me a jingle.
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Top image: Comedy Central